“Hello Death, Are You Online?”
A Humorous and Thought-Provoking Anecdote by K.K. Bonteh
WhatsApp Chat with Death
K.K. Bonteh opens his WhatsApp one lazy evening, scrolling through his contacts when, to his utter bewilderment, he receives a message from an unknown number. The display name simply reads: DEATH . His heart skips a beat, but curiosity gets the better of him. He hesitantly taps on the chat.
DEATH : Good evening, K.K. Bonteh. How are you today?
ME : Ah! Who be this? This number no dey for ma phonebook.
DEATH : It’s me, Death. The one whose presence people fear, yet whose inevitability they conveniently forget.
ME : Hahaha! This one funny oh. Death di use WhatsApp? Since when Death get data? Na who give you SIM card? MTN or Orange?
DEATH : I don’t need data, my friend. I am always online. You see, long ago, I was a patient and reserved visitor. I took my time, knocking gently at doors, giving the elderly a moment to prepare their goodbyes. But now…
ME : Now weti?
DEATH : Now, nobody waits for me to knock. They rush to me as if I am giving out free scholarships. Some even come before I have finished processing the last departure. People used to die properly, after a full life. But now?
ME : Hmm… You di talk true oh. Before, people go sick sotey dem go summon family meeting, make their Will, bless their grandchildren, then tell dem say “Prepare my grave, I go soon join my ancestors.” Now eeeh…people just collapse like bad ENEO light!
DEATH : Exactly! Some used to whisper, “My time has come,” and their families would gather, singing and praying. But today? People drop dead in church, in taxis, even in the queue for roasted fish! One man went to the mortuary to confirm his uncle’s body and ended up getting a bed beside him.
ME : Chai! Dis one don pass me oh! So, what is happening, Mr. Death? Why the sudden increase?
DEATH : Well, humans have invited me more frequently. Poor health choices, stress, unending greed, and worst of all, too much wickedness. Before, old age and illness were my main messengers. Now, anger, envy, fast money, and gluttony have joined my workforce. Someone gets a small headache, they refuse to rest, overuse painkillers, and boom—cardiac arrest! Another fights over land, blood pressure rises, and I step in.
ME : So, you mean say na we sef di send ourselves na die?
DEATH : Yes! Even your doctors are confused. Some of them diagnose “malaise” because they too don’t understand why you are rushing to me. One moment, a person is eating achu, the next moment, they are lying lifeless, their mortar and pestle still wet with yellow soup!
ME : Kai! E remain make dem put “died out of surprise” for death certificate. By the way, Mr. Death, any VIP list for this year? Make I know if I fit rebook my plans.
DEATH : Ah! Do you think I operate like an embassy appointment list? No, my dear. I come unannounced. So, instead of worrying about the list, focus on the life you are living. Be kind, be honest, and leave a legacy. When I come, I won’t care about your money, your unfinished business, or your pending projects. The only thing that will speak for you is the life you lived.
ME : Wooo! My head di hot! So, Mr. Death, any last words before I go back to my nkwacoco and mbanga soup?
DEATH : Yes. Tell your fellow humans that I do not negotiate. When I come, I come. So, live well, be at peace with people, and prepare your soul. Because when I finally slide into your WhatsApp, it will not be to chat—it will be to take you offline… permanently.
Moral of the Story
Death is inevitable, but how we live determines how we are remembered. In a time where sudden deaths have become as frequent as rain in August, we must pause and reflect. Are we leaving a legacy? Are we living in a way that even when we are gone, our impact will still be felt? Are we prepared for when Death finally sends the message?
The time to make things right is now.
Study Guide & Discussion Questions
- Understanding the Message
What is the central theme of the WhatsApp conversation with Death?
How does the anecdote highlight the change in the way people die today compared to the past?
- Humor and Local Color
Identify instances of humor in the chat. How does humor help convey the serious message about life and death?
How does the anecdote use local imagery and cultural references to make the story relatable to a Cameroonian audience?
- Moral and Personal Reflection
What lessons can we learn from Death’s responses?
If Death were to text you today, what do you think your response would be?
How can we apply the advice from this anecdote to live better and more meaningful lives?
- Creative Writing Challenge
Imagine another conversation with Death, but this time from the perspective of a rich politician, a struggling farmer, or a university student. How would the conversation differ?
Final Thought
Life is unpredictable, and Death is always online. The real question is: Are we living in a way that makes our eventual “last seen” a testimony worth remembering?
